Good afternoon Goose! Tomorrow will be my 3rd Thanksgiving without you. Wow. This was our other favorite holiday because food is amazing. I will admit this one so far is easier to deal with than last year or the year before. I am trying to focus on the fact that you lived, not that you are gone. When people think of Thanksgiving, they are often reminded to say what they are thankful for. Well, for a bereaved parent that is not always an easy thing. In the beginning I wasn't thankful for much. Time doesn't heal all wounds, trust me, but it can give you perspective if you let it. Over these years of meeting and talking with other bereaved parents, I have certainly gained perspective. There are parents who see an ultrasound photo, and never hold the baby. There are parents who hold the baby, but never take them home. There are parents who take home the baby, but lose the toddler. There are parents who have children that spend their lives in a hospital bed, never getting to run and play. There are parents that have full grown children, but their lives were riddled with mental disorders, health problems, and maybe never had a relationship with their kids. There are so many other scenarios that happen every day, to many many people. I have come to realize I can be thankful. I am thankful God brought you into my life (again and again). I am thankful I got to take you home from the hospital and hold you as a baby. I am thankful I got to see you take first steps, and hear your first words. I am thankful I saw your first days of Elementary and Middle School. I am thankful I got to see you perform in a play. I am thankful I got to see you play the trumpet in your band concert. I am thankful we got to go hiking, and go on many adventures together. I am thankful for every single moment I spent with you, and for every moment you spent on this Earth. I am thankful for all of the hugs and smooches I have received. Finally I am thankful for all the love you gave and have given me. There are people who have never, nor will ever experience that kind of love. How lucky I am to have had you as my son. How lucky I am to have been chosen as your Mommy. While the pain of your absence will never leave, and the silence will always be deafening, I am blessed to have what I did because I know it is so special. One day when it is my time to be with you again, we can look back on all of our times together and fill the heavens with joy and laughter. For today I am looking forward to tomorrow and the next. I have finally found my creative outlet to stay connected to the world around me. I no longer look for death, but when the day comes I will be at peace knowing I am coming home to you. I will set a seat at the table for you, and eat your share of food. I will say what I am thankful for, and keep you in my heart forever.
I love you Goose,