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Good mid-afternoon Goose! Things are going ok here as you know. Lately I am having more....tolerable days than awful ones. Don't get me wrong there are still days where I'm on the floor screaming, but thankfully those ones are coming less often. Your positive energy keeps me going Goose. I want you to continue to be proud of me, with you beside me I can manage. I will miss the physical you until my day comes, at least I have your spirit to guide me. Speaking of spirit guiding, I really wonder what kind of job you have. Right now Leia has the job of driving me nuts while I'm trying to type this! Since my last post I have been really working on practicing my meditation, and researching spirituality. So far while meditating I have seen you three times, and then recently I saw a Native American man which totally freaked me out I'm not sure what that was about. The first time I saw you, you were running across a river on to the riverbank near a forest, you waved to me and kept on running. ( I think I wrote about this in another post, not sure). The second time I saw you was a double feature. You and my Dad were there smiling, well ok you were smiling and my Dad had his usual "I-don't-want-to-have-my-picture-taken-smile" on. Both of those times you were a little younger, not much but a couple years. The last time which was very recently I wasn't even meditating with the intention of seeing you it just kind of happened. I saw you walking in the woods, and you had a very intense look on your face. Not angry, just intense like you were in a heated conversation, or deep in thought. Lol, you didn't even acknowledge me this time so I think you were busy. It was so nice to see you walking again, and this time you were actually what I imagine you would start to look like now, slightly more maturing. It was so real that when the image was gone it was like someone hit me in the chest with an arrow, but it's the best analogy I could come up with.
I have the site of the walk all picked out (finally!) and plans are underway. We are also officially a charity now, Force Spirit Goose Corporation! I wanted to make sure everything is on the up and up so no one would ever question it. There's other stuff behind the scenes I'm still working on but like everything else they take time. I know you would love all of it, so I'm not worried. Eventually I would like to be able to help other bereaving Mom's, ones that want to continue on in a positive light, not shut the world away. If that's what you want to do there is no one that can help you before you help yourself. There are not a lot of groups like that near me, there are many out there but most I have to drive at least a half hour to get to, and well like my Dad I hate driving at night now. So that's something I'm starting to think about doing as well. I have the charity work for you, but there has to be something else I'm supposed to do here, and with some hints and clues from you I think that's it. I don't know if I would be the best spokesperson considering my "salty" language sometimes, but I am really good at making people laugh when things are at there worst. I'll try not to break my own arm there patting myself on the back lol.
Ok so playing Jeep from heaven. One day a few years ago I picked up Goose from school and he told me of this game he learned from a friend. It's a car game and it's just called Jeep (some of you may already know this game). What you do is spot Jeep Wranglers (Wranglers only!) and tally up the points, whoever gets 10 first wins! We played this all the time, but since I was the driver and he usually had his head in a book I usually won. I no longer win at Jeep. I have come close, today it was 4-3, last week he crushed me 7-2! You're probably asking how do you play this now that he's in heaven? Well I'll tell you, I thought about it and I really missed playing with him, so I'm like how can I still play Jeep when I can't vocally hear him call things out? I then thought oh I know, we can choose colors. Goose has red and blue, I have silver and green. So now when I'm out and about I can keep tally that way, and he is absolutely getting me back for all the times I kicked his butt. So if you ever want to play with Goose, pick a color (or two), he is blue and red, and have fun with it!
This picture is one of the first photos of you in Bar Harbor, you were in your Spongebob stroller at the base of Agamont Park near the docks. What a cutie!!
I love you Goose
"I love you Moose"
Always, always?
"Always, always"
XOXO
