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Evening September 12

Good evening sir, today was not a great day. It started out okay, and then I walked away from my chocolate croissant. I didn't think she could reach the damn table but she did. Thankfully she only got a lick, and was taken to the vet anyways to be on the safe side. Leia is fine and running around like normal, but my mind certainly didn't need that. All the guilt, all the could I have done mores, all the fears just came back all at once. How could I be such a failure as a Mom? Best Mom Ever my ass. Those thoughts just flooded my mind until I was a total mess. Good times. I was thinking about the movie "What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams. It used to be one of my favorites, pretty sure I can never watch it now. The thing I was thinking though was the ending. *Spoiler Alert* in the end everyone gets new "assignments" and they meet again in a different way. So I wonder, will I meet you again on this planet someday before I see you in heaven? Are you on to your next assignment? I felt you in the house until about a week ago or so (the days all just blend together). Now I don't, and I hope that means you have no anger or fear, that it means you are in peace and on to better things. I love you. I miss you. I really miss you. I will never smile and laugh like the girl in these photos again. That girl is gone, who smiled with her whole heart, who laughed with everything she had. I will smile and laugh again, yes, I already have. But it's different now. Every smile, every laugh is tinged with the bittersweet knowledge that you aren't here. After every happy thought, is a thought of how much I wish you were here. That will never ever change. Until we meet again...

Goodnight Goose "Goodnight Moose" See you in the morning "See you in the morning" I love you Goose "I love you Moose" Always, always? "Always, always."

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