aptain's Log: Good morning Goose! (Good morning Moose!), that was an oddly timed sprinkle shower over the house last night. I got upset for a minute and went out front to have a cry, and it started lightly sprinkling on my face. I'm taking that as smooches from heaven. Or a bird peeing on my head, either way....
Since it's the weekend there is no council meeting for me to attend. Kind of bummed about that, but it will give me something to look forward to on Monday. I have heard that making little things, events, things to do, etc., that are potentially enjoyable will help give me moments to look forward to again. Otherwise, I will have many (possibly) years of nothingness and I really don't think, no no, I really know you don't want that for me. So on the 16th I'm doing something downtown that I've never done before. I'm actually going to go in costume to see the Rocky Horror Picture show. While you have NO clue what that is lol, I do and it's something new and something to look forward to. Baby steps. I was reading a blog from a bereaved mother who's only son died on May 22, 2006, that gave me chills. It still does, I have "you" bumps all over my arms. What she has decided to do to remember her son is on days that would be super painful (I'll be honest I skimmed most of it, the puppy was freaking out, but I got the gist of it) she does something new, or goes somewhere new. Like me, she knows her son would never have wanted her to live a life in pain, so she is trying to at least live life while she can.
I would give my life in a second, if it meant you could have yours back.
That's not reality.
I can't wallow in that thought, well I could but it's not helpful for me. I want to cherish your memory, not lock it away as though you didn't exist, I want to celebrate you. So I am choosing to live, one baby step at a time. With an extremely heavy heart, with every tear that rolls down my face, I am choosing life. I love you, I miss you, I will always love and miss you. We will meet again one day, or someone is getting a strongly worded letter and a one star review.
So I'm trying to find pics or video clips like "on this day in year..." On this day in 2015 (actually I think this is tomorrows date but whatever close enough. You and I went to the Waterford Speedbowl to see the school bus derby, and monster trucks with Uncle Brad and Lisa. Lisa picked us up in the golf cart, you loved golf carts, and drove us around to the truck parking area. You got to go up inside that huge truck, and absolutely loved it! Then at night was the school bus derby, we got to go down on the track afterward and check out the damage, it was a really fun day!