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Good morning Goose! Things have been busy around here, at least I try and make them that way. I recently started a bereavement group for parents and so far our little group is getting along nicely. I just hope it is helping others, that's the idea isn't it. I am supposed to learn something from your "graduating", so I guess finding ways help people is a good lesson. I decorated for Halloween, and even a little for Harvest season. I never really know what to call it, that in between time between Halloween and Christmas. Thanksgiving is really a one day holiday, and there's just so creative you can get with an inflatable lawn turkey. Per your request I will be decorating for Christmas this year. I will be moving it into the den instead of the living room but yes I will decorate. Ho Ho Ho!
I recently went back to Bar Harbor and Acadia. The drive up there was exhausting mentally and physically. When I got there I pulled up to the dock like we would always do, and I cried. I just sat and howled. I was so angry to be there without you. That was our place. True I had been going for years before you were even born, but it became our place. I tried walking around (in the lovely rain) and the more I did, the angrier I became. I wanted to turn around and just go home. If I didn't want to lose the money I spent on the room already, I would have. Well, that and I didn't want to disappoint you. I promised you I would try, and so I did. The next day was POURING out all day, but I made the best of it. I had a good meditation in the morning, and went to have some coffee and treats. I worked on my writing, and walked around town. I even did some shopping. Everything was the same but different. Like everything else in my life it had become beige. Not good, not bad, just beige. I decided to go back to my room for some more reading and mediation. I must have been tired because I took a little nap. When I woke up it was roughly 3:30, and I looked at my phone for the weather since it sounded like the rain had finally stopped. On the weather app it said "Gale Warning" for Bar Harbor. I thought "hmmm...what time does the tide come in?", and sure enough it was almost mid-tide. After all these years I was finally going to see Thunder Hole do something really impressive. For the first time since I got to Maine I was actually getting excited about something. So I drove up to Thunder Hole, and there it was, after 20 years of never catching it at the right time, big waves and thunder to be had. I smiled, because all weekend I thought why am I here in the horrid rain? What is the purpose? I was there for you to remind me that I still love Acadia. I still love Bar Harbor. They didn't take you away from me, so why am I angry with them? It was truly a beautiful sight to see. After that I was happy to go back in to town. I had my dinner, and wrote some more. I took a night time stroll to the docs and sat in Agamont. I'm sure some people thought I was insane talking to "myself" but I don't care. I did what I came to do, I made piece with MDI, and I've made you proud. In the morning I was ready to leave and go home, which kind of stunk because the weather was gorgeous.
Since I've been back I have started planning for the holidays, and my stained glass class started up again. I'm working on a piece you have inspired, but I'm not spoiling the surprise just yet. I meditate often, and work on my self-care almost daily. I recently saw a new movie about the band Queen. One of the first songs you could recognize in the car, and name the band was "We Will Rock You', except you always called it the "Boom Boom Clap Song". During the ending credits they played "Don't Stop Me Now", which made me smile. Shortly after you graduated I was sitting at my desk listening to music, feeling especially down. Then on one of my Pandora stations that song came on and I heard the lyrics:
"I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit! I'm traveling at the speed of light!" and I thought yes you are Goose, yes you are. There is no limit to what you can do now. There are no physical obstacles, no human distractions, you are eternal. I get your messages all the time and they make me smile. Some are subtle, some are so obvious they practically knock me on the head. Either way, it makes my day.
Missing you, and I love you.
Always, always
Moose
